Counting down the seconds
by AbigailKinney4life
Summary: One wild night with Brian Kinney. That's probably what most of gay Pittsburgh dreams about, and probably what most of gay Pittsburgh have memories of. Gap filler of Justins thoughs in episode 103. Reviews much appreciated x


Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some minor adult themes.

Just a little something that decided to come to me in the middle of the night! These are Justin's thoughts as he watches Brian dance in Babylon in episode 103. Could be called a gap filler. I hope you enjoy, reviews much appreciated x

**Counting down the seconds**

Justin's POV.

I've been counting down every second until I can see him again. Touch him again, feel him again. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop thinking about what happened.

One wild night with Brian Kinney.

That's probably what most of gay Pittsburgh dreams about, and probably what most of gay Pittsburgh have memories of, being Brian Kinney's one night stand.

But I'm not gonna let it be like that for me. I can't give Brian up, he's too perfect, too special, too worth it.

I know he wants me to think I was nothing to him, but I don't believe that. He must have felt something that night, he told me he loved me, why would he do that if he didn't feel anything?

And that question is why I'm at Babylon for the first time, it's way past midnight and I'm watching Brian dancing with two complete strangers. I was right in what I had said to Daphne, Brian could do whatever he wanted, and he could have whoever he wanted, all I needed to do was make him want me.

God, he looked hot, dancing like that, the sheen of sweat plastering his hair to his body.

His body. I could remember his body so well. Every muscle was alive and glistened with sweat, making Brian's skin wet to the touch.

And just the way his body _moved_, and the beautiful smile that spread across his face.

I can't help but smile every time I remember looking at his closed eyes, closed because the pleasure _my body _was giving him was too overwhelming. I didn't know it would be such a high, when I first discovered I was gay, I had no idea I'd ever meet anyone as amazing and as incredible as Brian Kinney.

I remember finding out I was gay, the thing I remember most about finding out I was gay was that it didn't scare me. I didn't feel strange, or wrong, or different. I felt _normal._

I think I had always known, to be honest, but my body just wasn't _aware _of it.

But it had been around two years ago in summer camp.

I remember, I was walking through a forest and minding my own business, I had come out in the early hours of the morning to sketch some of the trees without being disturbed. When suddenly, a hand dragged me deeper into the forest, where the trees were so dense, no one could see you. I nearly screamed until I realise that it was only Damon. A boy who I had become friends with. He had dark brown hair and see green eyes, he was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my life at that point.

I asked him what was up and he started babbling on about watching me, and thinking I was beautiful. Confused, I decided to leave. But as I went to go, he asked me to stay.

Before I could make a decision his lips were on mine.

And in that moment, I _knew._

So, Damon and I had spent three glorious weeks together. I was able to explore the body of another man, but it never turned into anything more. Which I am glad for now, it was like my first time was meant to be with Brian. When Damon and I parted ways, I was surprised that I wasn't upset and I didn't miss him, I just fondly remembered everything about him.

And then I met Brian, and suddenly, Damon was merely an inexperienced boy who paled into insignificance in the shadow of Brian Kinney. Brian was tall, tanned, muscular, confident and experienced, he was a _man._ And I couldn't help but fall head over heels with just how _beautiful _Brian was, he truly was the most beautiful thing on this Earth.

But the thing I like most about him is how his mind is sexier than his body. He always gave off such a "you want it, go get it," vibe that I can do nothing but admire.

No excuses, no apologies, no regrets. It's like, when I was around him, I could be anybody I wanted, and do anything I wanted, being with Brian made me feel liberated, it made me feel free.

But as much as I want to live by Brian's rules, I think my biggest regret would be giving up on what we could have. You only meet those kinds of people once in a lifetime, those kinds of people who you feel an instant connection with, you 'no?

You barely know them, but you want to spend time with them, hold them, know everything about them.

I've never loved anyone before, not the "in love" kind, and I don't think what I feel for Brian Kinney is love just yet; but it's so damn close it scares me.

And that's why I count down the seconds, until I'm in his arms again.

Because no matter how much he tries to push me away; Brian Kinney is too important to give up on.


End file.
